Amazon Within: Chemo Round 6, the End of Poison!

So, I normally try to have my blood work, doc visit, and chemo all in the same day to avoid having to take lots of extra leave from work to shuttle myself back and forth to the hospital on multiple days.

This round, round 6/6 of the Horrible Cocktail of TCHP, is my last round of poison. I have 12 more rounds of H only every 3 weeks till July 2015, but it's 30 minutes of infusion time, not 6 hours. And, it will make me tired, but not flattened and destroyed. My hair should grow back, I will not have digestive drama, and it doesn't cause peripheral neuropathy. So, I have been deeply looking forward to the end of this phase.

Round 5 was rough, followed by a double tap with that cold. Between chemo, the cold, and feeling flattened, I only was in the office 2 days since Round 5. I was able to telework one week, but too beat down and scared of germs to make it in person. I was certain my platelets would delay chemo. I scheduled blood work earlier on Friday to see how far off I was, so I could tell my family whether to expect to travel for my chemo that was scheduled on Tuesday. Surprise of all surprises, the blood work was fine.

On Tuesday, I arrived at 12:18 for the doc visit at 12:30, expecting the infusion at 1:30. Since I moved my blood work to the Friday before, I did not come for the previously scheduled blood work appointment at 10/10:30 on Tuesday. I had already done it. Everything else was supposed to be left in place. Well, Josh and I were taken back for weight, BP and pulse around 1pm, but we did not see a doc (any doc) until 1:44. We did not see my doc till after 2 PM. None of the nurses were willing to stay to do the infusion, and it can't be rushed for safety reasons. Also, despite me spending extra time on my make up to not look like a cancery meth face, my oncologist pointed out I looked as rough as she had ever seen me, and with as much diarrhea I had had, she wanted my Taxotere reduced to 60% again. For chemo, not on Tuesday, on Wednesday. I was unable to negotiate back to 100% or Tuesday, despite several attempts, and I have been through several successful negotiations with Israelis! I felt like I could do anything one more time, and I want all this stupid cancer gone. She assured me that the chemo would still be effective, but that she felt it unnecessary to assault my body beyond the dose that would be effective. I do appreciate that she is brutally honest, and even though I ask a ton of questions, I do believe she is right.

So, on Tuesday, my husband, my mom and my sister and I left. We hung out at the house and had an early mini birthday celebration and then went out for fajitas. They had to head home, and I went to bed early. I woke up in the middle of the night so frustrated and angry and sad. I did everything right. My blood work was fine. I was there on time, and I had already been through the anxiety of the prepping, the waiting and the dread. Approaching food like it was my last meal. Rescheduling multiple appointments, including the acupuncture I was supposed to have today. Taking dexamethasone, which I hate. For nothing.

Here I was, on Wednesday, another day delayed. I drove myself to chemo, alone. I was worried I will be too ill to drive home, but figured that out later. I waited in line to check in. I waited in the room to be called back. I waited till 11 to meet my new nurse, who had unsettled guidance about my premeds. She didn't put on sterile gloves when she was assembling the port pack, so I asked her to do it again. I can't handle an infection traveling straight through my central vein to my heart right now. Or ever. Maybe she did it right and I don't know any better, but I didn't care. I think she was a little peeved, but it won't be her in the ER or operating room, so I had to ask. She did a good job pushing the needle in with a light touch. We eventually got the premeds figured out. She has been super precise and very helpful, and I explained that I am an outlier and very unlucky special snowflake, so I think she got why I was so anxious. A lot of unnecessary stress getting to this point, but we are going to get through it. I am focusing on the positive. As the day went on, it was easier and easier to be cheerful as others lifted me up.

I got the most beautiful flowers last night
from my CrossFit friends. My baby sister was all ready to help me party early for my b day. My mom brought tea and lavender soap and oils to help me relax. Her friend Christie sent feathers and a lovely note from her pet parrot, a fellow Amazon, as the feathers are a traditional token of good luck. I talked to my other sister and brief texts with my brother. All uplifting. I think my dad gets back from abroad soon too. Today, a friend of mine Ubered over to sit with me so I wouldn't be alone, and a former CrossFit client, and unbeknownst to me till now a current DHS colleague, who saw my story at work volunteered to bring me a milkshake! The story that went out to about 2,000 people earlier this week was posted on our internal Web page for the Department, reaching potentially all 250,000+ employees and many more contractors. Other people who I knew and more whom I did not know emailed me their support. My husband was able to eventually leave work early, and my earlier nurse called from her new job to check on me. The colo-rectal chemo nurse even shared her ginger candy with me. I also got to see a fellow patient who has become a friend during this process. I really needed all of that today. All good things.

Best of all, no more poison! I might not be throwing down for my birthday on Sunday, but I still have a lot to celebrate. Not excited about the surgery being my next big hurdle, but we are making headway! One step at a time. Thank you to everyone who has been helping me on this journey. I could not do this alone.