No chemo, low platelets, seeing the plan, and the Redskins!

Long post warning. Getting caught up and letting things out.
 

My liver was fine. Thank goodness. I read (maybe too much), and apparently elevated AST can be a sign of liver metastasis before it can be radiologically detected. Prognosis for liver metastasis is exceptionally poor, about 11 months from time of diagnosis. I have been secretly terrified for the last 10 days, too afraid to tell pretty much anybody. My liver is fine though. What a relief. I prayed. I rested. I drank water. I visualized a healthy liver. I went to acupuncture. I still did stuff, but listened to my body. My liver is fine. Beyond grateful.

 

However, my platelets were too low for chemo. They were 87, and I have to get them to 100 to have chemo. Mine were at 140 last time, and 240 before chemo. We are going to try again Friday. Stupid platelets. Oh, I was beside myself when I found out. Actually pretty furious. Not that my prayers hadn't been answered, but that I had not included platelets in my original request! Platelets are so on it now. I do believe prayer works, and it is working for me.

 

My doctor and medical team are taking really good care of me, and this platelet delay is not unusual. I am not far off, so there is a real possibility Friday could happen. The scheduler at chemo worked some serious magic in rearranging everything, which I know wasn't easy. My whole Wednesday thing is now a Friday thing, and we are scheduled on Fridays through the next six months. This is another reason I love Sibley. It isn't just that the doctors and nurses are excellent, they are ALL good, including the schedulers and receptionists and even the parking garage guys. World class. It really makes a difference. I can't say enough good things about them.
 

Apparently there are things they can do if the platelets go much lower, but right now I just have to wait. It wasn't anything I did. I actually was feeling pretty good. My nurse mentioned sesame seed oil, which I will try (gameplan is shots of it, actually!). I also am going to try to see what the acupuncturist can do. I think he really helped the liver, so we will see what else he can do with platelets. He recently sent the CDC a proposal for Ebola based on Traditional Chinese Medicine herbs, because he says Western medicine has almost nothing to help, but the TCM herbs can do a lot to help the whole patient by treating the bleeding issues. Super smart guy, again, I feel lucky.

 

I do want to get through this as soon as possible. The schedule is set through July 2015. Mentally, I have been clinging to certain dates. Before my birthday to finish the Horrible Cocktail rounds of chemo. Surgery on Veterans Day. Finishing radiation by MLK weekend. Finishing Herceptin by Independence Day. I so want to be free of this year of cancer July 4th. Independence day was going to be more personal. My surgeon called me back and as long as my platelets cooperate for Friday, we can maintain the new Friday game plan. If they aren't up to snuff, I get pushed back a week.

 

Eventually, through all this, I started to realize there was a plan all along for me. His plan.

The CrossFit team competition, Capital Throwdown, over the weekend and a flurry of pics and videos over FB and Insta had my spirits going in super high. Fiona's post and Megan's 3 part YouTube documentary of Team "You Look Great" had me in stiches through Part 1 and Part 2, and then Part 3 at the end was tears of joy and gratitude for the round of applause I got at the end of the competition. Be prepared as the videos have typical CrossFit level humor and grit. For a real trip, follow this crazy girl on Instagram @megsquats for some inspiration and entertainment. I love this community so much.

#Balancelife



CrossFit Rubicon had this amazing and hilarious t-shirt too!

 

 My team! Ramzi, Devin & Demelza. 

 

Although this was my last team workout with my dear friend and super cheerleader Ramzi before he moves to Canada, I know we will still be close, and he's coming back for next year's throwdown, where I hope to be back in the RX division again! Thanks for giving me something to train for! Devin was all around amazing and the cool and collected member of our team, always down to grind out whatever work needed to be done. He also brought the Balance van for day 2 of relaxing between workouts in the parking lot. Demelza, she did the competition after flying back from being jet lagged in California. My quads are pretty weaksauce lately, so she did almost all the squats and lunges both days of this competition. The center photo is her jumping right in to finish the last workout before the finals when my turn was up and I wasn't sure I could do it. Completely inspiring and well deserving of many hugs. It was just a great time hanging out with folks at the van.

 

Balance Crew!

My husband's Yamasaki Academy added a pink stripe to their jiu jitsu gi belts for Breast Cancer Awareness month. I just want to give Fernando and all the kids a big hug each to say thank you. (I become more and more tempted to think about getting back on the mat, mostly because of how aweseome these folks are!)

 

How cute are these Yamasaki kids?!?! Highly skilled though.
They could totally judo throw me and put me in an armbar.

 

I also recently got to be the model for an American Cancer Society Look Good Feel Better volunteer training event. About 20 make up artists, cosmetologists, and esthiticians got to see what a cancer patient actually looks like. They were so nice and so encouraging. I could still feel the ripple of shock that went through the room when I took my wig off. I hope I could help them see what we go through and that helping us not look so sick is a way to help heal the spirit. Because the DC and Baltimore area have so many hospitals, it is really hard to keep up with enough trained volunteers, and learning how to draw on eyebrows after they grow back doesn't do anyone any good, so it is really important to have enough volunteers at the hospitals and to be able to have these events often enough to reach patients when they need to go. Thank you to all the people who volunteered!
 



American Cancer Society
Look Good Feel Better Volunteers in Training

As luck would have it, my wig friends Hans and Eivind were the teachers! I got to meet two new lovely ladies from the American Cancer Society.  I also got to see a new video they are rolling out on how to deal with weight changes and clothing, which I have struggled with. I hope that when I am better, I will be able to volunteer with the American Cancer Society. I felt good being able to give back a little bit now even while I still have cancer.

Even though the liver drama was lurking in the back of my mind, I was feeling positive and ready. I felt a bit blindsided by the platelets, but on the other hand, after the shock and anger at my own body wore off, I started to see that there was a plan for me all along.





 

Hans & Eivind

I was lucky enough to get selected to go to the Redskins All Star Survivor Celebration on Wednesday night. The nurse coordinator at Sibley reached out and let me know about it, and I got to suggest some folks to her and ACS who were also cancer patients, and one other lovely lady got in! (for privacy reasons, I will not be naming her because I did not ask. She did sign a release to the Redskins for photos, so I think that's ok till I hear otherwise.) If I had still had chemo, I might have been miserable. Instead, the event was amazing. I had so much fun I even briefly forgot I had cancer. I am so grateful for that.

 

With Tanya Snyder

The NFL's effort to raise money and awareness for breast cancer started with the Redskins. The owner's wife Tonya Snyder is a survivor. For this event in particular, seven years ago, one of the players' mom had breast cancer and he wanted a way to help folks feel pampered and honored in a way that wasn't about cancer treatment. Hearing Chris Cooley talk about his mom who was there, holding her baby granddaughter, was amazing. It was like the best pregame pep talk I could have ever imagined for fighting cancer. I wish I had a video of it.

 

Chris Cooley talking about his mama!
Best cancer pregame talk ever.

For three hours, we went from station to station with LB Adam Hayward and FB Darrel Young and several players wives and coaches wives.

Darrel Young and Adam Hayward

Ana Phillips, wife of tight end coach Wes Phillips was my buddy most of the evening, and the nicest person you could meet. I love her Dallas accent, and we confirmed the way I say "towel" aka a one syllable "tahhl" is Dallas specific where I was born. (In law school, I did get nicknamed "Dallas" because that accent comes back out and strong after more beverages than I should.) It was lovely getting to know her.

 

Ana and Wes Phillips

We ate delicious food prepared by the Redskins Chef. I had dinner with 5 year veteran long snapper Nick Sundberg, wife Flor, and rookie punter, Tress Way.

 

Nick Sundberg and Tress Way

RGIII was there in a boot but I missed getting a picture. His locker was pretty distinctive though. The guys did mention what an incredibly hard worker (obsessive) he was at rehab. I hope to bring that fire back to my recovery and comeback.

 

RGIII's Locker

The tour of the training and PT facility was amazing. I learned about all sorts of toys they have access to in order to deal with the impact of the game and recovery. Taking some of the impact off the joints is a big deal. When I asked a player if he ever feels good, he looked at me and said, "I have been playing football since I was six years old, so no." He is 30, but apparently football makes you feel double your age, so 60.  Studies have shown that being a lineman is scientifically equivalent to ramming a car head on into a wall at 23 mph, backing up, and then doing it over and over again. It made me feel empathetic, but also all the more impressed at the gladiators of this modern age.

LB #55 Adam Hayward

We got makeup done by MAC; jean fitting and free jeans from GAP, which is all Tonya Snyder personally wears; and a massage to die for from Amenity Day Spa.

Tress Way getting fake eyelashes from MAC!

We also got to try on wigs and I got a longer curly one that is gorgeous. Again, the whoosh of shock when I took my wig off, but the new wig is HOT! When I put it on, Darrel Young immediately was like, "Woo, Janae! Hey girl!" I just laughed. How awesome is that? Another survivor came up to me after the event and told me she had no idea mine was a wig, that I was a good looking bald lady, and that my new wig makes me look like Marlo Young in her earlier career. I will so take it! So, the new wig is officially named, "Marlo Janae" and Josh loves it. Free, also amazing.

Darrel Young & the "Fiona" wig, before we
discovered "Janae"
 



My new wig "Marlo Janae" looks like early career Marlo Young

Adam Hayward as a ginger.

At the end, we got not one but two huge gift bags and a cupcake... and, TWO tickets and parking pass to the game on Monday!!! We will be going on the field wearing Redskins jerseys to be the tunnel the Redskins run through. We will also be on ESPN for the 8:30pm Monday night football game. I thought I couldn't be more excited, until I called Josh. I have been so caught up in this week, I did not realize who the Redskins are playing on Monday. THE SEATTLE SEAHAWKS!!!!!!! Josh and I are rabid fans. I told the ACS when I was being considered that I have been a Seahawks fan for 7 years, since I have known my husband. I do root for the Redskins locally, as long as they don't play the Seahawks. I also told them even though I was born in Dallas, I do not root for the Cowboys, so that has to count for something. (I do also cheer for the NY Giants on my brother in law's behalf. They need some help lately.) Little did I know, they were planning to give us tickets to the SEAHAWKS game. Oh my goodness, and they let me come anyway. I am even more of Redskins fan now. Josh and I had looked at tickets to this game in the preseason, before cancer, and decided it just wasn't in the budget. To be able to go now? I just cannot believe it.

  

Preview of the PINK!

I am going to have that chemo on Friday. My platelets are going to come through. I woke up with a teeny runny nose and started pounding Zicam, but I believe I will be ok. I don't expect to feel awesome on Monday, but I  plan to go to that game on whatever arsenal of drugs I need to take. I will wear that Redskins jersey with pride and in hopes it raises more awareness for breast cancer. I am hoping for an epic game, where both teams play well and there are no injuries. I will cheer for both at this game. This one time, I don't care who wins. I am also hoping that Seattle and Washington meet up for the Super Bowl, and that the Redskins have an amazing season. I just can't believe how things turned out.

 

Beyond excited!!!!!!!



Glad to have a buddy I already knew and 29 more at Monday's game!

Have your own way, Lord. Your plans are way better than mine. I am still scared for the long journey, and I was really scared yesterday before leaving the hospital.  I am still praying, but after last night, I feel like I got a sneak peek at the plan. It is going to work out. I try to focus on what is good, but it's hard. I am doing my best to trust in Him. Although there are ups and some pretty rough downs, I am so often amazed and humbled with gratitude at His plan for me and the blessings sent through others. A beautiful reminder came in from my uncle today, and I really needed it. I have always had a deep faith, but after some church drama, I never felt comfortable sharing openly. This blog has been a pretty open book, and the lessons I am learning from this experience with cancer are touching every part of my life, including my relationship with God. Sharing on this blog as I reach to deepen my Christian faith is mending some old scars that really needed to heal. For those of you out there who believe, thank you for praying for me. It means a lot.

Other really good, late breaking news - our dog Holly does NOT have cancer. Josh found a lump over the weekend, which we suspected was a fatty deposit, but I couldn't handle not knowing. I'd already made Josh get a colonoscopy. I can't handle anyone else in this house having cancer. We took her in today for a fine needle biopsy, which showed NO CANCER! Thank goodness.  

 

Holly smiling at the vet after we got her good news!