Chemo Round 6 Tomorrow! And, post for Breast Cancer Awareness at Work

Good news - I am having round 6 of 6 of the "horrible cocktail" on Tuesday. My platelets were up, my liver was fine. I'm still not totally over my cold, but I think teleworking last week was a really good choice. I am so grateful that I am going to have this round on time and not be delayed. This will be the last round of the four drug cocktail that includes basically 2 types of whole-body poison (docetaxol/Taxotere and carboplatin/Paraplatin). After this, I still have surgery, radiation and 12 rounds of chemo with a targeted biologic called tratuzumab/Herceptin, but since it only attacks one type of protien, there will be no more digestive drama or muscle wasting and way less fatigue. I'm not exactly excited to be having chemo, but I am SO excited for this "horrible cocktail" to be over. Last week was tough physically from the cold and also mentally from wondering whether the chemo was going to happen on time, but I'm moving forward.

For breast cancer awareness month, although it was hard to write and make the decision to share with a broader circle than just my immediate circle of colleagues, I ultimately decided to submit my story to an internal communications distribution with my client. It matters to me to help raise awareness so that others can understand better what it is like for survivors and folks who might be facing this themselves or for a loved one don't feel so alone. I got an email from a girl in Canada who started reading my blog to help her mother who just got diagnosed. I had no idea my words had spread so far or that it was really helping people. (If you are reading this, thank you for saying thank you!) It pushed me over the edge in deciding to share more broadly at work. I initially worried that I would forever be labelled "cancer girl," but before my cancer diagnosis I had a lot to offer personally and professionally, and I know that will continue afterwards. I just have to trust that helping some people is worth more than potentially being branded as one thing or being seen as one dimensional in this context.

Here's what I submitted (names of colleagues omitted):

Office of General Counsel Attorney for NPPD, A Breast Cancer Survivor Breast Cancer Survivor and Attorney for NPPD, Allison Bender. I am a DHS cybersecurity attorney, I have breast cancer, and I am 32 years old. Immediately after graduating law school in 2006, I joined DHS because I wanted to be part of making sure that an attack like 9/11 could never happen again. I’ve been lucky to be healthy early in my career, racking up sick leave while also gaining the professional opportunities of a lifetime– being the Chief Negotiator for the United States Government on international agreements, serving on the President’s Export Control Reform Task Force, twice visiting the White House Situation Room, and more recently providing legal support to NPPD/CS&C on cybersecurity operations and incident response, including the USIS breach involving government contractor background investigation security clearance data, the Healthcare.gov incident, and the earlier Heartbleed vulnerability response. The intellectual challenge and thrill of working these issues has been amazing. The feeling of making a difference for the American people, even if only in some small way, has been even better. The best part of it all has been learning what incredible colleagues, supervisors, and clients I serve with here at DHS. I discovered a lump doing a self-exam in May of this year. I was due for an annual physical anyway, so I scheduled one. On May 27, I had the physical and my general practitioner confirmed a palpable mass. On May 28, I had an ultrasound and due to my age, a 3D mammogram as well. The radiologist recommended a biopsy, which I had on June 4. I received my diagnosis on June 6 – invasive ductal carcinoma with ductal carcinoma in situ. After additional pathology labs and radiology imaging, I learned it was Stage 2 and positive for estrogen, progesterone, and HER2. This meant my treatment would involve an intense year of: chemotherapy (July-Oct.), targeted biologics (July ’14-15), surgery (Nov.), and six weeks of radiation (Dec.-Jan.); to be followed by ten more years of daily hormonal therapy. Barring a recurrence, I’ll finally be done with cancer treatment in July 2025. The hardest parts should be over by the end of January. Luckily, my doctors believe we caught the cancer before it spread to my lymph nodes or elsewhere. Currently, I am undergoing chemotherapy before surgery, and I have been through 5 of 6 rounds of what I’ve been calling the “Horrible Cocktail.”  I hope to finish the last round before my birthday on Nov. 2. Being only 32, I was shocked when I got my diagnosis, because at the time I didn’t know anyone who had been through this.  Over time, I’ve come to realize how important raising awareness is. According to the American Cancer Society, 1 out of every 2 men and 1 out of every 3 women will be diagnosed with some form of cancer in their lifetime, with 1 out of 8 women being diagnosed with breast cancer specifically. Although rare, men can be diagnosed with breast cancer too.  Awareness is the first step to early detection. This is one of two main reasons why I decided to share my breast cancer diagnosis and journey with DHS as well as publicly, including at the Washington Redskins’ Breast Cancer Awareness Game against the Seattle Seahawks on October 6 (see photo). The other main reason that I am opening up is to share the life lessons I’ve been learning since starting this cancer journey, which no one should have to go through cancer to appreciate. Since my diagnosis, I’ve tried to follow the advice of my medical oncologist, who said, “Live your life.” I started a personal blog as to stay in touch better with family and friends. I donated my long locks to Wigs for Kids and videoed it. I continue to exercise when I can, finding health and strength through the wonderful CrossFit community.  Breast cancer will definitely make my donation to the Combined Federal Campaign this year much more personal. I continue to come to work and do my job, as best as I can, with the very understanding help and support of my supervisors and colleagues, who have pitched in to cover gaps when I’ve had to take sick leave, especially before I was ready to share my news with our clients. I certainly wouldn’t volunteer for cancer (or wish it on anyone else), but there have been so many moments of unexpected joy and deep gratitude for things I would have previously not noticed or maybe even have taken for granted.  While I still have a long journey ahead of me, the lessons I’ve learned so far are these: Early detection is invaluable. Live your life. Be fully present in it. Focus on the positive. Take the time to appreciate the little things and be grateful. Let people help you, and people will continually surprise you at how great they can be. The best part of working at DHS is people helping people to solve real problems. To my supervisor; second-line supervisor; close colleagues; the rest of the OGC/NPPLD team; my prior colleagues and clients who voiced their support; and to my current clients, especially those who didn’t even know till now, thanks for being great. What you do every day isn’t just about the mission and serving the American people, it’s about helping other people, including the folks who work here.  Thanks for helping me.