22nd vial of blood; Changing up old stress relieving habits

Sunday I had my 22nd vial of blood drawn since starting on this journey at an appointment for fertility. This is how every blood draw goes in my head. Bahhhhh. I am so over this already.

Pre-Blood Draw # 22

Many of my usual stress relieving activities are out the window, some temporarily, some maybe permanently. These include lifting ridiculously heavy things, enjoying red wine and indulgent carbs, staying up late watching tv, and over-caffeinating. I am working on alternatives, but between the changes to my routine and the fertility hormones, it is a little bit crazy. Needless to say, Josh has been a saint this week.

Lifting ridiculously heavy things. I tweaked my back a few weeks ago, probably because I was pushing myself too hard in the gym, fearing this diagnosis was coming. Right after, I saw my wonderful friend and chiropractor, Dr. Jenn Davis, and of course, she helped me tremendously. Instead of feeling too broken to pick up my own purse for 6 weeks like most lower back sprains go, I felt pretty good this past week. I went to CrossFit Balance to do Thursday's workout with my dear friend, Julie. I had the best intentions of not pushing myself too hard and taking it easy on my back, but of course, with about 2 minutes remaining in my whole bout of activity, I felt that uneasy feeling of my back saying, "Hey you - shouldn't have done that!" So, back to Dr. Jenn Davis, and I am now feeling mostly better. My coach and smarter, wiser human being, Quint Fischer of CrossFit Magnus, has kindly reminded me not to be an idiot and work on bodyweight weight movements instead of twirling barbells overhead. Point taken. It's hard to let go of the addictive pursuit of personal records or "PR's" though. I feel amazing everytime I hit a new one, knowing that in that moment I am stronger than I've ever been.  Bodyweight gymnastics movements have produced less exhilaration, mostly because my quest to obtain them, in particular the muscle up, has been so unfruitful. Oh well, now is the time to focus exclusively - because I have to!  For lower impact cardio, I may also try out my first spin class this week and check out Maryland's aquatic facilities for a swim. Josh has also volunteered to try yoga to help balance my very yang CrossFit activities with a little more yin calm and mindfulness. I can't wait. Josh is hilariously inflexibile, so I am looking forward to the togetherness and the comic relief. The important thing is to just keep moving, right?

Vino. I love red wine. I like its complexity, its velvety mouthfeel, and that each bottle seems to have its own personality. I don't drink to excess, but I have indulged in more than one at the end of a tough day or out socially with friends. At this point though, I'm over it. This table of studies summarized by Susan G. Komen puts it plainly - in over 40 studies, having more than 2 glasses of wine resulted in a statistically significant increase in breast cancer risk. I'm not saying I won't ever have another drop, but there are too many other things I care about to continue relying on this as a way to routinely self-soothe. I just don't need it. I've bought myself a case of San Pelligrino in real glass bottles instead. Drinking it reminds me of the wonderful summer I spent in Italy with my sister Elizabeth.

Carbs. Many of the oncology nutrition resources I've read include a very USDA-approved type plan with pro-whole grains- like Johns Hopkins and Harvard. On the other hand, some of the studies I looked at suggested that a ketogenic diet could be helpful in retarding tumor growth, especially if the food is high quality more like very low carb Paleo than the fake-food-is-ok Atkins model. It looks like something the medical community is actually trying to get more data on, e.g., this clinical trial. Supposedly tumor cells only grow well on glucose, whereas a healthy cell can run easily and well on either glucose or ketones. I am a big fan of science, and I don't mind turning myself into a lab rat. If limiting myself to 30g of carbs a day could potentially be helpful, as I wait on this fertility cycle to go through before my chemo can start, then why wouldn't I? It doesn't seem to hurt and it might help, so I'm doing it. Diets to Go has a low carb plan that might make this easier, but right now I'm doing it myself. Approximately 10% carbs, not more than 25% protein or about 94g (since apparently the liver can turn protein into glucose), and 65% fat or about 108g. Still, when I am sad and raging on hormones, all I want is a cookie. :-( Time to turn to other things!

Staying up late and watching TV. Orange is the New Black, Scandal, House of Cards, Game of Thrones, Intelligence, Suits, Orphan Black. I watch all these shows as a form of late night escapism. The problem is I have occassionally sacrificed sleep. I have always been a night owl, but adult life and the 9-to-5+ workday doesn't match that rhythm very well.  This study in particular caught my eye. There is probably a study out there that "proves" every nut job's hypothesis, and I am not blaming myself for getting cancer, but on the other hand, I am absolutely committed to doing everything I can to maximize my health and prospective outcome. Sleeping more is maybe not as much fun as watching the next episode of Orange is the New Black, but it probably matters much more to my long-term health. After the fertility treatments are over, I am going to talk with my oncologist about including melatonin in my list of supplements. My sleep issues have already been noted on this blog. The other cancer-initiated supplement I plan to add to my long list is tumeric or curcumin with an absorption aid like bromelain or bioperine. My Uncle Tom and Aunt Linda take it, and I am convinced by the number of legit studies out there, of which these are just a few, that it is very likely to help and unlikely to cause any harm. Modern medicine may not find it of sufficient impact to get written down on a doctor's script, but incrementally better is still better.

Coffee. Starbucks is my happy place. It is like adult Walt Disney World to me. Nothing bad every happens there. The coffee is always consistent. I know what I am getting, and the routine is a comfort. I like the taste, even black, and the warmth feels good in my stomach. I am a slow sipper, but I could down several Venti blackeyes in a day. Coffee does have antioxidants in it, and in most cases, coffee appears to reduce cancer risk rather than increase it. But, most people aren't me. I shouldn't be using coffee to get through my days when I should be napping or sleeping instead, even if I need to nap more than the average bear. I'm cutting back from 5-7 standardized cups a day to not more than 3, and I'm swapping in herbal tea where my afternoon coffees used to be. This has been a transition in the works for a while, but I'm adding it in. Someday I will learn to find tea as comforting as black, black coffee.

So that's a little list of the things I haven't been doing as much of and some of my contemplated alternatives for stress reduction. Other things I've been doing to help with the stress include talking with current and former cancer patients. Two of them I spoke with today for over an hour each. Seriously helpful tips that I will be researching a little bit more and adding into my plan as well. It really helps to speak with someone who's already been down this crazy path I'm headed down and come out just fine on the other side. Same experience speaking with my Aunt Linda the other day, who offered some really helpful tips on ports and scheduling surgeries, as well as just general wisdom from having been sent down a more challenging path than others. My Aunt Bev sent me some great web resources, and my sister-in-law Chanelle also just emailed to send her love. That has been wonderful. I am contemplating how to break the news to my larger social circle on Facebook. Hopefully after my second appointment with the oncologist on Tuesday, I will have a settled gameplan that will be easier to share.

Oh, and I also started playing Clash of Clans... it's very addictive. Beware.



My Clash of Clans Warface!

This week's schedule (so far):

Monday - ECG for my heart pre-chemo baseline, PET/CT from head to thigh to check for any detectable metastesis, and picking up another syringe for fertility. (This morning's bloodwork still had my progesterone too high, so I'm being given an extra two days of injections to try to get it down from 6 to 0. 5 days and 5 shots ago it was 7. My body has a mind of its own!)

Tuesday -  fourth fertility visit, first visit with a clinical social worker, first visit with a radiation oncologist, second visit with the medical oncologist. I want to meet my interventional radiologist before I let him or her cut me, so I'm going to try to get that on the calendar this week too.

Wednesday - figure out DEERS and TRICARE updates. I've never had many issues that required one insurance policy, much less two, so double insurance should be a real adventure.