First Business Day Since Diagnosis

Today was the first business day since I was diagnosed with cancer late on Friday afternoon.

I told my boss around 10:45am, and even though I couldn't keep back tears, he was amazing about it. Reassuring, kind and supportive. At our staff meeting at 11, I told my immediate office coworkers, since I would be relying upon them to help cover my work while I am out for appointments, treatments, and surgery. They all were also incredibly supportive and some sought me out later to offer their support. Saying the words, "I have cancer," is still a challenge for me, so I quickly left the staff meeting to join clients waiting for a cab for a meeting downtown at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building (EEOB).

I go to the EEOB regularly, what seems like once a week these days. We got there early enough beforehand that we were able to stop and enjoy a cup of coffee. Even though I've been in and out of the EEOB so many times over the last four years, I stopped and snapped this photo to share with friends. My favorite thing about the building is the staircases. The building is not open to the public, so it was nice to share one of my favorite things. In a sense, it was just like any other day going to a meeting there, but better because I was more grateful for the experience.

I spent the afternoon between the routine of my email inbox and the complete opposite of routine scheduling doctor's appointments, requesting records, and trying not to break down everytime I had to tell the person answering the phone why I was calling. Through my family and friends, I have been incredibly blessed with connections and recommendations to some great doctors.

I have a breast MRI scheduled for 6:45am at Washington Radiology. The breast MRI appointment should last less than an hour, but because it is so much more precise, it hopefully will show whether the cancer is in only my right breast or both, whether there are multiple tumors present, and whether any lymph nodes or other tissue appears to be affected. The results will guide my breast surgeon in analyzing the best courses of treatment available to me.

On Wednesday morning, I meet with Dr. Melissa Camp of Johns Hopkins for a surgical consult. This is the next step in determining my treatment plan. The gameplan for surgery (lumpectomy or masectomy, of various types), chemo, hormonal therapy and radiation choices will all start with this initial assessment. I still intend to get a second opinion, partially to affirm and partially to test whatever she may have to say. Through others, I have been given some recommendations for an incredible oncologist (chemo/hormone doc's) who I likely will also meet with very soon. The experience I've had so far with Johns Hopkins, just from people answering the phones to trying to fit me into schedules, has been nothing less than world-class. Even as I cried trying to explain why I was calling, total strangers made me feel like I could handle this and things will eventually be ok.

On Wednesday afternoon, I meet with Dr. Michael Levy of Shady Grove Fertility. Given the potential that even with the best of all game plans, that surgery could turn up surprises, I want to be sure that the game plan takes into account my desire to preserve my fertility options. Dr. Levy actually called on Saturday to check in. I spoke with his assistant today and with the oncology coordinator, both of whom were people who talked with me and helped me through my questions as if we were already dear friends. As long as the hormones and/or delay do not impact my cancer treatment options, I think going ahead and going through a collection cycle to freeze my eggs will help me be more confident in choosing whatever post-surgery options I may have to face. I would happily trade cancer appointments right now for prenatal checkups, but hopefully that will still be in the cards for me someday.

This Friday, I travel to my cousin's wedding. He and his wife-to-be are precious people, and I want them to have their special day unblemished by any of my dark cloud worries, so I am doing my best to share with friends individually and keep it off of Facebook for a while. There will be a time and place for that, but not right now.

CrossFit Balance has been a huge part of my life over the last four + years. I make time to coach and train there, and CrossFit keeps me sane. I was assistant coaching the evening classes tonight, which helped ground me in a tiny bit of normalcy.  I was able to share my news with Danielle, Pablo and a few of the members/friends late this evening. CrossFitters give great hugs! I already feel so loved with support I knew was there all along. I hope to share more broadly with CrossFit Balance community in the coming week, after the risk of Facebook rain clouds on my cousin's wedding day have passed.

Now that I have all the appointments in place, it is starting to get easier to tell people "I have cancer," because I can move right into what I am doing to BEAT cancer. The helplessness I felt this weekend and Monday morning is starting to be replaced with more certainty about the process, buoyed up by the support of others.

I didn't get home from coaching till later in the evening, but when I arrived, my husband was talking on the phone with the mother of one of the kids whom he coaches jiu jitsu at the Yamasaki Academy. Fernando Yamasaki had asked her to call my husband, to also help him through this process.  She just had her last treatment, for the very same type of cancer I have. As I listened to her story, and as I recalled the story of another survivor who shared with me today, I felt a calmness growing. This will be okay. I can do this. People will help me when I fall. I heard her explain how she already felt her life was different and her perspective changed. I thought back to earlier in the day, taking that picture, and feeling just a little more gratitude than I did before cancer. I can already see how I'm looking at the world just a little bit differently too.