I of course hate that I have no quantifiable measures, but the radiologist who we met said, literally, "Wow! Impressive!" when she saw the images from my 9/10 MRI. Word from my medical oncologist nurse is that the medical oncologist still thinks we are on track for a complete pathological response, which is exactly the purple unicorn we are looking for. The oncology surgeon is very happy and thinks we will have a good, small lumpectomy of about 1 cm + 1 cm margins (3 cm total) and reconstruction at the same time, with no additional requirements for fat grafting or expectations of dimpling. I told her I didn't want to be googly eyed or misaligned or uneven, and she thought things could be mashed into place. Radiation should help with scar reduction. The reconstructive plastic surgeon will be there with my oncology surgeon as the cutting is done. Apparently the full fat reconstruction often leads to gnarly cosmetic results, so I am crossing Miami and NYC visits off my list. I also asked whether it would be helpful if my body composition were leaner- maybe if I were 300# with more than 100# to lose, but not now, so nothing to worry about there.
There is a nagging question of whether the full bilateral mastectomy would be more long-term definitive, but I am going to hope and pray it never comes to that. With there being no genetic component, it is even more important that I keep my stress, sleep, diet, environment, and social support clean going forward, so I don't end up right back in the same place 5-10-15+ years from now. Something I already knew, reconfirmed by the surgeon.
I will still keep my proton beam therapy appointments in Knoxville. I am going to see the plastic surgeon and radiation oncologist before the end of the month, proton folks on 10/16. The schedule is lining up.
If the plastics surgeon agrees, I will have surgery on Nov. 11, the earliest I could get it, hopefully the first surgery of the day, 6am arrival, 7:30am surgery. I hate waiting. I am terrible at it. I hope it works out that way. My first Herceptin only treatment would be 11/12.
In the meantime, we have to whip my liver AST and platelets in gear. Rest and water for liver AST is what I am hearing, so I took sick leave thru the end of this week, even though I really want to be there. Sesame seed oil may help platelets, so I am jumping on that train. And, just trying hard to calm the f! down. Easier said than done. I want that complete pathological response! I know I ask too many friggin questions, but I just want to live so badly. There are times still when I just sob uncontrollably. I don't know how to stop.
It helps me so much to leave no stone unturned, and I am beyond grateful to my whole medical team for taking the time to answer my infinite questions and somehow find peace, and calm and space in this process. I know I must not be easy, but literally all the time, I just feel like I am on the edge of totally losing it. Hope and prayer, with the support of people around me, that's all that is getting me through. You have no idea how hard this is. It just is so much. I can't wait to be through this nonsense.
Let's get one thing clear right at the start.... You Are Gonna Make It !! Joshua needs you, your friends and family need you and You need you. Now that that is settled let's move on. If the tests are encouraging to the folks in the know that's great. So excited you have a surgery date cuz now we have something to focus on down the road. No more tears and fears start looking for more unicorns and force all that other stuff out. Try picturing the adorable children you and Josh are going to bring into this world. Trust me they won't care what your boobs look like. They will care about the beating heart that loves them.
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